May 27, 2012 (12:02am)

vlha:

Dear Kathy,

First and foremost, I want to let you know that I did receive your letter than you’ve been anticipating for so long. I bet the anxiety was a bit harsh huh? I do apologize though, I think I got it a while back but I’ve been so busy lately that I never really sat down at home and just took a breather. Luckily, you did send it to the correct address.

I am sorry that I can’t really write you a letter. I haven’t the time to sit down with pen and paper. I don’t even think I have paper. x_x It would have been a lot better, but this will have to subside for the time being.

I’m not sure where to begin with this really. I guess I can by just genuinely thanking you for all that you’ve done for me. No matter how you look at it, you’ve placed such a heavy impact on my life towards the positive end. Thank you for all that you’ve done and all your efforts that you put into our relationship. Thank you for all the happiness, the smiles, and those memories. I never would have thought I’d get into something like that, but it was worth every minute of my time. Neither of us wanted this relationship to end. No matter how you look at it though, it was not something that we would have held on to with me working full time and you living so far away. I felt like one of us needed to say it and I guess I just obligated myself to it to save both of us from the heartaches. In the end, I wasn’t always there and I know how hard it was for you when it got to that point. I’m so sorry. I really wish things didn’t turn out the way it did. I wish I had the free time to give to you. I wish I could have put in more effort.

You’re right though, I do feel like this relationship is unfinished and there isn’t a day where you don’t cross my mind. Maybe it just wasn’t the time and place for it to happen. Distance is always a factor regardless of how much you neglect it. Maybe one day we can start over and go back to how things were. I miss you so much. Nothing’s the same. We can hardly hold a conversation now, but don’t doubt for a second that I’m not here for you still like I said I would be. I’m always just a phone call away and if it’s within my ability, you know for a fact that I’d help you in a heartbeat. It just still feels off in a sense. I can’t even go about how your day was anymore. Temptations got the best of both of us though and slowly things won’t be as harsh anymore, I promise. As much as it seemed like I didn’t care, I did and I still do. I just want what’s best and with a relationship that was just lingering on, it just didn’t feel right at all. For what I put you through, I am ashamed. I don’t know how many times I can apologize but it was never my intention to have it like this.

When the time is right we may be able to continue what was there, but for the meantime holding on is not what either of us should be doing. Work towards the future and what you want but take it one step at a time. There’s no reason to rush things, there’s still time. Let’s just wait and see what happens.

I hope you’re doing alright.

I miss you. So, so much.